Title: The Adventures of Demon Hunter Barbie and Her Dorky Sidekick Sammy

bgenjkag@yahoo.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 00:02:49 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Demon Hunter Barbie and Her Dorky Sidekick Sammy
Rating: pg13 (for Dean's dirty mouth mostly)
Pairing: gen at the moment
Disclaimer: I wish i did but i dont
Summary: This is AU girlDean, and for the past 4 years bad things have been happening to the girls who have won Patterton County's Miss Patterton Beauty Pageant, and John will do anything to stop it from happening again.
AN: This is probably pure crack :) and it was just an i dea that was bugging me that i wanted to get out

Chapter 1: Sunshine-Honey Blonde

"Welcome to Patterson County, home of the biggest french fry." Dean and Sam looked at their Dad, eyebrows raised.

"Why'd we have to move again Dad? I really liked Washington." Sam asked from the back seat, looking up from his book his bitchface on full force.

"You got to finish the year Sammy, just like I promised."

"Its Sam," He muttered, sticking his nose back into his book, "And that's not the point."

Dean turned around and shot him a look then turned back to their Dad, "So Dad, what are we doing in Bumsfuck, Minnesota?" She asked sucessfully averting the impending crisis.

"Patterson, Minnesota. And that's why." He said pointing to a sign they were passing.

"Miss Patterson Beauty Pageant?!"

"For the past four years there have been unexplainable things happening during the pageants which got some of the girls hurt, and the winners always end up dying of freak accidents."

"And what are we gonna do about it. Sounds like a curse to me, and the best thing to do with those is stay out of their way. So why do people even keep going back?"

"Its a big thing in this town, plus its become sort of a tourist attraction."

Dean snorted, "What a shocker."

"Well we'll just have to work with it. We're going to have to protect those girls until we figure it out, that means someones going to have to enter the pageant." He shot Dean a look.

Dean just stared at him, not comprehending and confused, "So one of us? But Dad, i mean i know Sams a total girl but he'd look like crap in a dress."

Sam, who hadn't been listening, suddenly dropped his book and stuck his head up front, "WHAT? I'm not a girl!"

"If the name fits Samantha,"

"No Dean." John interupted, "I meant you would enter it."

Sam threw his head back and laughed and Dean's eyes got wide, "Fuck no."

"Watch that mouth dude, and its the only way."

"Dad, I can't do all that girly shit, plus you wanna protect those girls, How long do you think i'm gonna keep my cool in a room of fuckin beauty queens?!"

John sighed, he knew this would happen, "We'll talk about it later, so lets just stop for now, all of us." He looked at Sam in the rearview mirror.

Dean looked at him suspicously but obeyed him and dropped it.

They checked into their motel and John actually cooked hamburgers that night, no take out, to get Dean into as good a mood as possible, before he started the plan.

In the middle of the meal Dean moved to get up from the table, her empty glass in hand, but John stopped her, “I’ll get it,” Dean and Sam turned to look at him suspiciously, “Need a new beer anyways.” He took the glass and went over to the counter where the grape juice was and poured a cup, slipping out the powder from his breast pocket and emptying the contents.

Dean was too busy stuffing her second burger in her mouth, but Sam was giving him a look, so John held up a finger to his lips and winked. Sammy, always up for a prank on Dean, winked back, grinning.

“Here you go kiddo.”

“Hmm, oh thanks dad,” She grabbed it and downed half of the juice in one gulp, “So have you figured out a different way to go about this curse thing?”

“I’m working on it.” He said with a grin, going over in his mind just what Dean was going to have to do to become a believable contestant.

Dean had finished her burger and let out a huge burp with a grin, then slouched down in her seat, legs splayed out, and finished the juice with a loud slurp.

This was a tougher job than he'd thought.

Fifteen minutes later Sam had just rescued Dean from passing out face down into her ketchup and fries, and John was carrying her to his room.

Sam jumped up and followed after, “What are you gonna do Dad? What did she do to you? Are you getting her back for something?”

“Well Sammy, we have something out there killin teenage girls in that beauty pageant, and the only way to get close and protect those girls is for Dean to be in it, whether she likes or not.” He nodded over to two boxes on the night stand.

Sam’s eyes went wide, “O, your not actually gonna do it are you?” He whispered.

John laughed, “Way I figure, Dean needs a little prettying up and some motivation.”

“She’s going to kill you!” And Sam was right, she was going to be mighty pissed, but saving those girls lives was more important than Dean’s hair, plus having Sam actually talking to him and smiling at him was a bonus.

“She’ll live, now what do you think, honey blonde or platinum?” Sam’s grin widened.

“Well she’d probably like platinum better, but to win some beauty pageant then I think honey is the way to go.”

“Well then lets get to it, you gonna help me out?”

“You bet, what should I do?”

“Here,” He handed him a box of hair dye, “Go set this up in the bathroom, I’m gonna bring her in.”

Three hours later, they were all soaking, Dean was unconscious on John’s bed, and Sam was rolling around on the floor laughing.

“I think it looks pretty good.”

“She’s-gonna-FLIP!”

“It doesn’t look bad, we even did her eye brows for her.”

“FLIP!” John looked down at Sam who was still laughing.

“I think your enjoying this a little too much.”

Sam looked up, and John saw he had tears running down his face too, “Can I go take some pictures?”

He sighed, “Yeah go ahead.”

“Jesus Christ.” Dean rolled over and sat up. The last thing she remembered was dinner and then that was it.

“Mornin.” She went to reach under the pillow, but realized it was just her dad.

“Hey dad, what happened last night, and whys my head itch so much?”

“Well Dean, now I know you weren’t too thrilled about the whole entering the pageant idea.”

“Um do the words fuck no come to mind?”

“Well I’ve decided its really the only way to protect those girls.”

“Dad, look at them, the world’ll probably be better off without them.”

“Your entering the pageant.” He silenced Dean with a look.

Dean’s eyes got hard and serious, “That an order sir?”

“Yes it is.”

Dean sighed, “I'm not going to win. Hell they won't even let me enter, look at me!”

“I think you'd be suprised now.”

Dean’s newly dyed eyebrows went up and John made a hasty retreat.

Sam was waiting outside of the door, “Does she know yet?”

Suddenly there was a ear piercing scream which sounded way too girly to have come out of his daughter’s mouth, “She does now.”

The door slammed open and Dean came out, newly ‘Sunshine-Honey Blonde’ hair glistening in the morning sunlight, and green eyes blazing, “I cant believe it was you! I mean you I’d believe but YOU!” She pointed at John accusingly, “I look like the fucking demon hunter Barbie!”

“No you don’t Dean, you look like Tropical Paradise Barbie.”

“That’s it BITCH!” She dove towards Sam and he ran around John, and soon the two were running circles around their father. “Get back here you little bitch im gonna kill you!”

“HAHA TRY AND CATCH ME IN YOUR ‘PERIWINKLE SMILES’ BARBIE HEELS!”

“YOUR GOING DOWN!”

“What are you going to do beat me to death with your bubblegum patent leather handbag?”

“That’s it! Time to stop kids!” John grabbed Dean's collar.

“Hey Dean I got you something this morning.” Sam said, grinning and out of breath. He took out a bag from the local grocery store and pulled out a pink box.

John sighed, “Sam.”

Dean growled, “Oh no you didn’t.”

Sam slowly opened the box and pulled out a blonde Barbie in a skimpy miniskirt and big shopping bag, “Look Dean,” He suddenly put on a horrible falsetto, “Its you!”

Dean ripped out of John’s arms and Sam dropped the Barbie and ran as Dean picked it up and chucked it at the back of Sam’s head, bringing him down hard.

Thirty minutes later they were all sitting in the ER, as a doctor examined the big purple bruise on the back of Sam’s head.

“Why did I have to come again?” Dean whined, hood pulled up to cover her hair.

“Punishment.” John said.

The doctor looked up, “Let me get this straight, he got this because she threw a Barbie at his head?”

John nodded and held up the Barbie, whose shopping bag had been ripped off and arm was bent at an even more unnatural angle, “She threw it hard.”

“He got a concussion!"

“He deserves a fucking coma.”

“Dean.”

“You suck.” Sam mumbled.

“Suck it up Samantha.”

“Barbie.”

“Bitch.”

“Blondie.”

“STOP!”

The doctor stepped back, looking frightened, “Well he’ll be fine, I’ll uhhh go sign the release forms.” Then made a hasty retreat.

tbc....